I'm not sure what it is. I'm not sure if it just the genetic make up of a women or what. Women, including my self put on a face to get through the day when we are exhausted! We take care of everyone else and allow ourselves to fall by the wayside. A new year has just begun so this is a great time to start doing something different. Time out for operating in autopilot, we have to do something different. I've decided to take action for myself and take steps towards the correction of this problem that I have had for many years.
First things first, what I've decided to do is admit what I am doing and why I am doing it. I try to please everyone, that's just what I do. It's a setup for failure but we do it! We try to please people, our husbands or boo, kids, supervisors, parents, siblings, relatives and friends. I get it, I really do, but what I have learned and currently learning is after I've run myself dry someone is still not going to be happy. Your friend is not speaking to you because they texted twice and you didn't respond fast enough. You missed the parent teacher conference because your supervisor needed you to complete a project that should have been done. You couldn't complete the project because you had to take a day off to take your sibling to the Dr. because your mom asked you to. You are exhausted and overwhelmed, but guess what you still have to "perform" that night because your husband's sex drive is off the chain. And when you have literally given it all you had, you have to get up and start all over again. A new day with a different situation but this day you try to fix the disappointments of yesterday. It's a vicious cycle and we are so caught up in it that we don't even realize it. Truthfully you can't admit what you are unaware of.
I remember receiving a Mother's Day gift from my oldest daughter one year. I remember clearly, she wrote on an over-sized homemade book mark with a red piece of yarn attached with 2 yellow wooden beads hanging from the yarn. It was the cutest thing and I still have it to this day. I was a newly licensed hairstylist and barely getting my feet wet in the salon. I had started building a clientele so I was pulling long hours at the salon trying to accommodate my clients. She was so happy to present me with the bookmark that read...
"Dear Mom, I know that you always have something to do so you do not have time for me. I feel left out of everything. Love Nyla"
A gift of the raw truth from my child. When I tell you that thing crushed me but I had to keep a straight "happy" face to show my appreciation for my gift. She was 9 years old at the time so of course she didn't have a clue that what she said took me to a place of never wanting to disappoint, especially my kids. Little did I know I would leave my then husband a week later. This is what I discovered is the beginning of "why" I work so hard. I don't want to feel the way I felt that day. I look at it from two different perspectives, wanting to be there more for my child and not wanting to feel like I let ANYONE down. The feeling is gut wrenching and it's hard to shake. I say that to say this, locate your reason for running so hard and always aiming to please. Usually it's some type of guilt of obligation that makes us feel the need to be superwomen. I know that to be true for me at least. The way I am dealing with this is understanding that I am obligated to some but not all of those I try to please. I also understand that I shouldn't feel guilty for being human, I am NOT superwomen so I have to quit obligating myself to unrealistic expectations of such. I hope you are able to locate your "why" and began to breakdown what you can do to to change this cycle. Love yourself enough to SLOW DOWN and take in life for a moment. Don't feel guilty for wanting to see life on the outside of "hustle and bustle". Breakdown your "why" and channel those feelings into something great!!
Hope this helped someone at least "start". If not it sure did help me by typing it. It's amazing how a little writing (letting it all out) make you feel.
Until Next Time
Dana